No More Mr. Nice Guy from Dr. Robert Glover is our book this week.
Suddenly book club got a bit personal for me this week. I was interested in the idea that nice guys are not, in fact, very nice. Lying to someone is a trait of someone trying to be nice. After my husband passed I quickly made a rule. IfI was out with someone and they explained being single as them being "too nice" it was a MAJOR red flag. When they say they don't do drama. Prepare yourself- because they do, in fact, do drama. Similarly, the men and women I've worked with who self identified as "nice" were often the meanest and least honest about their intentions. I've also found myself resenting people in projects after offering to do more than I thought was my fair share.
Tuesday September 6, 2017 we will be discussing No More Mr. Nice guy online from 9:30 pm EST to 10:30 PM EST. We will post questions and invite everyone to answer and interact. CLICK HERE to get a copy- it's a great book and comes in ebook format.
Questions for this week:
1. What was your take away from the book?
2. Have you ever experienced "Nice" behaviors that were not nice? Do you push down who you are to be "nice."
3. How does the philosophy that if you are nice, you should have your needs fulfilled translate in the workplace?
4. What kind of emotions did the book bring up for you?
5. What do you think the ideal you would look like?
6. Bonus: What are the hidden selves that we have?
Brace yourselves- there are some actually really kind men in the HTreads community. We've also had a lot of great discussion about women's roles and misogyny in healthcare. Personally I've wondered if this book was a great choice since Doyenne Connections is a female group. Last week though I heard- the women who are above each other are not doing each other any favors. I also had a friend message- men are like a bus - a new one comes around every 10 minutes. I personally thought to myself- some of the people who like this book are pretty bad at listening. Being aware of how difficult it is to find a safe place for complexity in roles is something I am hoping to see from the discussion Tuesday night. The balance between being a bulldozer and being honest is a hard one. I've been told I'm aggressive in business both as a compliment and criticism.
Oh the stories we could tell... Please share your stories about honesty and the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy."
No More Mr. Nice Guy
“I’m a Nice Guy. I’m one of the nicest guys you will ever meet.”
I was proud to make that statement about myself through much of my early adult life. I was a Nice Guy. I wanted to treat people well, and I wanted to be liked. I couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t have a similar personal mantra.
While in my early 30’s, in spite of my unwavering faith in this philosophy, my life was in crises. One marriage had ended. A second one wasn’t going so well. My career dreams were stalled. I was frustrated, resentful, and confused. If you talked to the people closest to me, I wasn’t so nice.
I decided to start working on my situation. I joined a men’s group and started working with a therapist. Honestly, my initial goal was to find out why the people around me weren’t responding so well to my Nice Guy philosophy, and I wanted to find out how to get them to change.
Within a short amount of time, I came to see that the problem was ME. I had an agenda. I had no boundaries. I was indirect. I was passive-aggressive. I wasn’t honest. I wasn’t always so nice.
As I was making these discoveries about myself, I noticed that married men I worked with in my practice as a marriage therapist were making the same kind of statements about their partners that I had been making about mine:
“How come I always seem to give so much more than I get?”
“All I want is to be appreciated. Is that asking too much?”
“I can never do it right.”
“She’s always mad.”
“When will it be my turn?”
“She never wants to have sex anymore.”
I could finish their sentences for them.
Read the rest of the summary HERE
Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy
ANNOUNCEMENT- OUR SCHEDULE HAS BEEN MODIFIED TO INCLUDE PODCASTS AND SHORTER FREE PIECES. ALL THE BOOKS FROM EARLIER AND ON THE SIGN UP ARE STILL GOING TO BE REVIEWED.
September 12: Human Company Playbook- read the Manifesto and watch the video. They are also on Twitter- we will discuss human centered company design.
September 19: Improved Community Health Depends on Knowing the Extent of Social Deprivation. Robert Graham Center- link and related articles.
September 26: Nudge by Thaler and Sunstein
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